“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” {Joseph Smith}

I've noticed as the new year starts and as people make resolutions, goals, etc. that there are quite a few out there (mostly blogs I follow) that choose a word for the year and use it for their theme/goal/what have you. My dear sister Annie has done it on her blog the past few years as well, which is where I saw it first, and since she's such an inspiration to me I thought I would give it a try! :)

This past week has been a bit of a tough one for me, mostly because it started out with the New Year and us staying up past 1am and I just feel like I haven't had a chance to catch up on sleep/recoop! I was utterly exhausted the next day and then Andrew hasn't been sleeping well because he's been teething like crazy still. On a good night he wakes up 3 times...the worst was 6-7 times...ugh! So I've been super sluggish/cranky/irritated/tired/grumpy/and just all around blah. I've never been a happy tired person in the first place so as you can imagine this week was a long one for me. I definitely let it get to me and affect my day to day life.

So as I was going along the past couple days trying to think of "word" for the year I had a hard time pinning it down...I knew the feeling I wanted and still haven't hit the perfect word to sum it but came up with "positive". I chose this because it can go in so many different directions and they are all things I was trying to sum up.

I found this quote and made a little printable to put in my house to remind me everyday of my "word" goal :)

I want my life to be more positive. I want to be more positive in myself, in my talents, in my calling at church (I am in the Young Women's presidency and work with the YW every week for activities, classes, etc.). I want to be a good leader/role model/example to these girls and being an distant/unhappy/grump isn't going to help achieve that. :) I want to be a more positive/happy presence in my home because, as the saying goes, "If Momma ain't happy, nobody happy." :) Which is really such a true saying! I know that my attitude definitely affects my little family...if I'm having a bad day and am cranky/irritable/impatient, Evelyn gets crankier/talks back more/listens less...Andrew isn't as affected since he's a baby and Mark is gone most of the day but definitely can tell if I'm not having a good day when he gets home and that affects the short precious time we have together during the week days and I don't want that time to be spent being irritated/unhappy and ruin it.

I'm always so doubtful about myself and sometimes still feel like an unsure/uncertain/awkward teenager at times and really want to feel like a more confident adult...I'm a married woman (nearly 5 years now!) and the mother of two children! I shouldn't feel like an awkward teenager :) Although, I guess luckily, I don't come off like that, which I feel I do, but I had a friend today say that she didn't think I was the type of person to have someone push around/walk all over/or something to that affect ;) I don't feel confident in myself and by doing so I restrict myself when, if I let myself, I could be growing and learning and pushing myself and earning that confidence by doing so.

One thing pertaining to that is my photography...I feel SO slacking in my abilities here and am not pushing myself forward because I feel that way. I feel like I don't know anything and that everyone else is just so much more knowledgeable about photography and I feel inadequate/embarrassed/nervous talking to anyone that really does know their stuff. I've read up on basic-how-to's, read articles, gotten pamphlets from professionals I follow and things just don't click! There are just SO many different little things to learn and I feel like I just can't get them straight in my head...I know it takes time and someday it'll just come automatic but right now I've been a downer and so I stopped "studying" my material which of course is leading me nowhere! :)

This is also pushing me back on actually doing any sessions outside of people I know/have talked to. I feel since I feel so un-knowledgeable that I'll screw up and I would hate to have a client and disappoint them. I still get SUPER nervous when I do a session but luckily I do take pretty good pics and/or can fix them up good in Photoshop :) SO one of my goals with this is to take more time to study, be positive that I can learn it, and push myself to do more sessions and actually advertise outside of the few people I know. This is a huge area, there's gotta be somebody who'll take me up! :) Which that also sucks too because I've moved SO much...super hard to get out there/build up clients when you move all the time! But...be positive! I'll be here another year at least...plenty of time to get some work done, right?

I want to be more positive with my outlook on life, both present and future, because honestly looking ahead to the future with everything going on in the world, can be pretty disheartening and discouraging! I want to enjoy the here and now more, especially with my kids because, as everyone says, it'll be gone before you know it and they'll be grown. I love them SO much and want them to look back on their childhood as happy and have positive memories. I want to be there for them as they learn and grow and I often find myself working on things for them, for myself, for the house, for Mark, and not actually doing things WITH them. I get distracted by my list of things to do, which in the long run aren't as important as my kids and being with them.

I have some amazing people in my life that, to me, are such positive, amazing, wonderful people and such great examples to me. Some are far from me right now and some are close. I have a friend here who definitely has some challenges in her life but is always smiling and always so happy. She loves her kids and is an amazing mother and I'm grateful for her example to me to be positive.

Here are a couple quotes I found as I was thinking about all this...I put the links with the name for each quote if anyone is interested in reading the talks...they are very inspirational and amazing and well worth the read!

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.--President Thomas S. Monson--  

This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now. --President Thomas S. Monson-- 

Anyway....I've kinda lost track of where I was going/what else I was going to say...but I'll just say that I am going to work on my "positive" attitude and work towards a more positive life. I'm gonna go off to bed now and hopefully get a good nights rest! So there's a little more in-depth than I usually go but oh well....doesn't happen often so enjoy it ;)